Pelosi Demands President Take Polygraph Test

Keeping her announcement until a later hour on the West Coast , Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi issued a press-release demanding that President Trump submit himself to a polygraph test before the continuation of the impeachment trial in the week . Many internet services rushed to spread the

news, also as several independent daily publications like The Trumptato Tattler, DD Dongles Daily, and Where Nickleback At Today Ladies?, which is self-published by the band. Many conservative Republican services are scrambling to organize a take, with journalist and noted syphilis patient Sean Hannity himself, being sequestered during a sealed masturbation chamber underneath Fox News studios.

In the 80’s, Hannity was once arrested for sneaking into Wang Chung’s room at a concert and licking their keytars.

For those unaware, a “Polygraph” machine is understood as a lie-detector device. Invented in 1921 by some guy in Berkeley, for Christ’s sake, the polygraph is claimed to detect lies by measuring changes during a subject’s vital sign , pulse , respiration, and skin conductivity. Generally considered nonsensical psuedoscience by a majority of the scientific community, the polygraph has been mostly written off as grossly unreliable. Update correspondent Robert Sandoo asked the Speaker why she’d made the demand, knowing the device’s reputation:

“Well, basically, i think he’s far too dumb to fool even the foremost basic of tests having anything to try to to with truth-telling in any way, for one thing. I mean, the person once lied about his NAME. I mean, the guy couldn’t tell the reality if 100 cheeseburgers counted thereon . And two, I just want to slap all those little sensors on him, and tell him that the body snatchers are finally taking up and see what he does. That’ll be fun. If he passes out from fear I’m gonna draw dicks everywhere his face with a felt-tip pen .”

Pelosi also once pranked the primary lady by telling her it had been “Dress sort of a Giant Vagina Day” at the White House.

Pelosi is demanding that the President be tested : “The sooner the better”, and has already allocated funding from the cash the President stole to buy his wall from military families. is that this the simplest thanks to determine what culpability Trump truly has in his crimes? Or is that the Speaker just busting nuts? Either way, tune next time, True Believer.