A viral story we published has been circulating over the past few weeks details the apparent “suicide” of Clinton Foundation investigator Kenneth McCormick, who was found by two of his neighbors, Eric Cartman and Stan Marsh, decapitated and laying in a pool of blood in his own driveway.
At the time police in South Park, CO determined that Mr. McCormick’s death was a suicide.
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Since then, new facts have come to light that cast doubt on the suicide motive. South Park’s interim Chief of Police, Officer Barbrady, explains:
“After the incident we were able to obtain video doorbell footage from Kenny’s neighbor across the street, Kyle Broflovski. The video clearly shows Kenny talking to his friend, Mr. Hankey, who hands him a thick file folder marked “Uranium One” in bold letters.
A few seconds after Mr. Hankey leaves, a black SUV with Clinton Foundation markings pulls up in front of the driveway, blocking the view of the video camera. About 2 minutes later the SUV pulls away and the next images show Kenny laying in a pool of blood in his driveway.
Mysteriously, we were unable to locate the Uranium One folder, but did find a trail of poo leading to the spot where the SUV was parked. We have been unable to locate Mr. Hankey, who is a potential witness, and are concerned that he may have been flushed by the suspects. We are now treating this as a potential double homicide investigation.”
Since Chief Barbrady was unable to confirm the identity of the suspects, we contacted Department of Justice Spokesperson Joe Barron to confirm whether the Clinton Foundation was indeed behind the homicides. His response was terse and to the point:
“As a matter of policy we don’t comment on ongoing investigations. While I can confirm that a thorough investigation is underway, I can neither confirm nor deny that Hillary Clinton is a prime suspect. However, we all know about the Clinton body count. Stevie Wonder could see who is responsible for these crimes. The truth is right in front of you.”
Given all of the facts that we have uncovered, it is quite clear that the Clinton Foundation is somehow involved in the murder(s). The only question is: was Hillary Clinton herself involved? We, therefore, rate the story as factual.